Alone
by Lune Nightingale
Summary: Seishiro has gone off to search for the Vampires leaving the concerns and problems of his Order behind. Only, some things don't disappear and vanish because you want them to. - Light implications of SeiFuu


**Title: **Alone

**Series: **Tsubasa Reservoir Chronicle

**Rating: **PG-13

**Warnings:** Angst, shounen ai, incest and various other things that aid to CLAMP's lustrous shine. XD

**Disclaimer: **I don't own any of the characters, they belong to CLAMP.

**Notes: **This picks up in the same mini oneshot series with Perfection and Jealousy. I think though, it can be read with or without reading those two...

-- --

It was just another world, one that held no immediate signs of what he was searching for. This didn't mean that what he sought wasn't there; it simply meant he couldn't sense them. Drifting down the streets in quiet contemplation, people would turn to glance at his cloaked figure with curiosity as they went through their daily routines. Part of him wondered if he should make an effort to fit in, but that wasn't important to him at the moment. In past experience, if he didn't cause trouble, people looked but left him alone.

Peering out from the shade of the white material, he noted how advanced the society was, but how it lacked that scent of magic he remembered from home. Pausing at one of the shops on the busy street, his gaze slid idly over the different trinkets in the window. Perhaps a library would start things off? In civilizations such as this, information was forthcoming and easy access. But that didn't' mean what he was looking for would be equally as easy to find.

As he made to turn away, something caught his eyes on the display. There was a small stuffed animal that was a pale green in the shape of a frog. The legs were long and lanky, and the smile spread over the toy's face grinning for all the world to see. This caused the corners of his lips to rise slowly.

_"Nii-san! I!"_

_"What is it, otouto?"_

_The boy ducked his head as he looked only a second at the toys that the street vendor had for sale. The younger seemed to hesitate for a moment before shaking his head. "It's… it's nothing."_

_Blinking, he turned to face the toys and glanced over them quietly. "They're cute…" Smiling softly, he looked at the five year old as he stared longingly at the light green stuffed toy. "Fuuma… do you want one?"_

_"Ah!" Jumping, he looked up at his brother and shook his head. "I! I didn't say that Seishiro nii-san!"_

_Seishiro only chuckled and reached out to ruffle his hair. "You didn't have to. It's ok…" Placing a finger to his lips, he winked. "Don't tell okaa-san." With that, he turned to the man and bought the little frog and handed it to his brother. "It'll be our secret."_

_The smile on his face was blinding as he took hold of the proffered gift. Hugging it close for a moment, he then flung his arms about Seishiro's neck. "Thank you, nii-san! I won't tell anyone!"_

Reaching out, slender fingers touched the glass. It looked just like the other one. Closing his eyes, Seishiro curled his fingers into his palm and breathed in slowly. It wasn't good to think on such things. Such things tended to cause more problems and forced him to regret. How long had it been since he left that day?

Turning from the store, he moved on down the street. His gait was slower this time as his mind churned with conflicting thoughts. Why had he decided to go on this wild goose chase? What did he have to show for it? A hand rose slowly to touch just beneath his right eye. Only what he'd lost. And he'd lost quite a bit. Moving that hand, he pushed the hood off of his head and ducked into a store catching the eyes of both the patrons and the cashier. Smiling pleasantly, he stepped up to the girl behind the counter and nodded a greeting. "Please excuse me, I'm searching for a library or some place where historical records are kept. Could you help me?"

The girl stared at him, her cheeks flushed darkly as one hand was tightly pressed to her lips. She seemed almost stunned to have those eyes on her so heavily. "I… I.. of course!" Seishiro only grinned at her a moment closing his eyes. It always struck him as interesting when they reacted this way. With subtle kind requests, he had her drawing a map for him as she tried hard not to stutter when she spoke.

Seishiro didn't really flirt to get his information. All he ever needed to be was kind and in a way, charming. They always seemed forthcoming with information if he only exhibited manners and kindness. Even if they were just a cover, it was all he was willing to give. Thanking her gently for her help, he bowed his head. "Thank you for your help. Please have a lovely day."

As he turned to leave, he swore he heard her sigh. "Y-you're welcome!" Stepping out of the store, he moved into the light of the sun glancing at the paper she'd jotted on. Quickly committing it to memory, he set off down the street. Now, with less blocking his vision, he took in the decorations that adorned the buildings. They were bright and colored mostly in red, gold, and green. Was some event coming up?

Stopping for a second as he came into the large city square, he tipped his head back to stare at a large evergreen decked out in ornaments and decorations that seemed so foreign to him. "Merry Christmas, Father!" Turning his head in shock, he saw a young woman smiling at him as she nodded. Though, she didn't seem to stop and talk to him any further than that. Christmas? Father? How strange.

Furrowing his brow he moved on past the tree, and continued on his way. People seemed to fill the streets, and part of him felt oddly alienated and alone. Though so many were there, he was like an isolated figure in the sea of faces that all seemed to be accompanied by someone. Even with the occasional greeting, even the relatively appreciating glances would fade as they got a better look at him. Why was that? "Oh, Father, are you lost?"

Blinking, he caught sight of a middle aged man as he smiled lightly at him. Seishiro attempted a small smile as he nodded his head. "I think I am…"

"Maybe I can help you?" Chuckling, he took the map from Seishiro's hands and glanced over it quietly. "I see, someone seems to have written the wrong street name. But you're not that far off course." Handing it back, he suddenly laughed and cocked his head to the side amiably. "You're rather young to be a priest, Father. I mean no offense by that though."

Seishiro gave the man a confused look then smiled lightly. Priest? Oh, they must think he was part of a church. Perhaps it was the clothes? "Ah… you could say I was raised from birth for my line of work."

"Well, that must make the ladies very sad then." With a laugh, he corrected Seishiro's directions and gave him a nod. "Please have a Merry Christmas then, Father." With a tip of his hat, he turned and moved on.

Giving a slight wave in parting, he finally furrowed his brow. The people of this world were very strange. Oddly, they were extremely friendly. It was so… different from his own world. So many of the worlds he visited were so much better than what he'd left behind in every sense of the word. It almost made him… what? Sad. Not for his sake… he'd long past ditched all sympathy for himself.

_"Nii-san… why can't we just leave?"_

_"They'd always find us."_

_"Couldn't we go off to some other world?" The child laughed and leaned into Seishiro's lap with a bright smile. Seishiro only chuckled and ruffled his hair causing the younger to close an eye. _

_"Where would you want to go?"_

_"Now you're teasing me, nii-san!"_

_"Ha ha! What makes you think that, otouto?"_

_"Because you'd say anything to make me happy…"_

_"Fuuma…"_

_"It's ok, nii-san. I know it's impossible." Seishiro frowned as the boy smiled off to the side lightly. _

_Reaching out, he caught his chin and brought his gaze to his. "I promise… you won't always have to stay here."_

Guilt was a terrible thing he tried so hard to leave behind. But wasn't it the leaving part that made him feel guilty in the end? He'd not kept that promise. Instead, he'd left his brother behind without looking back. Even though he knew he had a good reason, he couldn't seem to shake that feeling that he always made the wrong choices.

Now as he stood in that ocean of smiling happy faces, he wondered why he was standing there alone.

-- --

Stepping from the building, he precariously juggled the many books in his arms with a lack of interest. There was no drive today to throw himself into his work. Rather, he looked tired and unaware of the surroundings. That was probably why he didn't even notice the person approaching him. "I could help if you like."

"No I'm…." Seishiro's eyes widened as he stopped in mid motion of shuffling the volumes with his knee. The action caused him to drop them in a manner that looked all too awkward to be him. He didn't even get a chance to look at the other as he moved to start picking up the books for the Hunter.

Laughing, the lean figure started stacking the items before lifting his head to smile up at Seishiro, his eyes closed. "That was graceful, nii-san."

For a long moment, he couldn't move, but his voice was already sounding in the cold air. "Ah… I suppose it was. Fuuma?"

"One and the same." Tapping his fingers on the stack of books, the younger brother seemed to be gauging how many each of them should carry. "I see you still haven't found what you were looking for."

Seishiro knelt to the ground and chuckled softly, but it was a sound that was forced more than anything else. "No, not as of yet. I didn't expect to find you in my travels."

"Don't worry, nii-san. You'll find what you're looking for the most, when you're not really looking for it." Fuuma grinned as he began dividing the volumes into two piles. "As for me… I happen to be hunting things for our dear Yuuko-san."

The older seemed stunned for a moment as he looked at his brother. All hearing ceased for a moment and he barely registered the comment about his employ. Books were soon shoved into his arms, and he came around to the present. Tipping his head to look at them, he suddenly smiled lightly and glanced at Fuuma. "I see. Well, I'm more than pleasantly surprised."

"Indeed." Rising to his feet, books in his arms, he smirked at his older brother. Seishiro knew that look. It was the one that was quietly musing over how much taller he'd gotten than the elder brother. Squashing down that irritation, he too rose and balanced the books in his arms. "Have you found a place to stay yet?"

Canting his head to the side, he finally shook it in a negative. "I always seem to put that as a second priority sadly."

"Then, I'll take your lack of ordered priorities as being fortunate to me. So, stay with me while you're here, nii-san?"

"All right." Mentally he kicked himself for answering so quickly. Inwardly he frowned, but the smile on his face was firmly in place. In just two words, he was already breaking apart his reasons for running away. All that time, and it only took one smile to break his resolve. Really, he should learn to tune that charm out when Fuuma turned it on him.

"Good. Shall we?" Fuuma grinned and turned in a different direction peering over his shoulder at Seishiro. In moments, the elder nodded and moved to his side. Sadly, there were some things even a prodigy couldn't learn very well.

-- --

_"Are you sure this is what you want?"_

_"Why wouldn't I be?"_

_"You're leaving quite a bit behind."_

_"He's better off."_

_"Is he?"_

Waking with a start as someone shook his shoulders, Seishiro blinked to clear the bleariness from his eye. Lifting his head, one hand rose to rub at the only good one that remained, he cracked it open to see Fuuma leaning over him. "Nii-san… you fell asleep reading. That's not like you."

Sitting up, he closed his right eye at the feeling of red lines on his cheek from laying on an uneven surface. That was true, it wasn't like him. Instead, he merely smiled at the younger and shook his head. "Traveling can leave you tired I suppose." It was a half truth. Seishiro never slept well, but he'd practically stopped sleeping after he'd left home. It was both surprising and unnerving that he fell asleep after sitting down to read after just arriving at his brother's apartment.

"Is that so?" Fuuma chuckled and sat on the desk next to Seishiro's books. "Well, you should try to sleep more often." Leaning down, the younger caught his chin in his fingers and scanned his face. "It looks like your eyes are getting rings…"

"You've not asked…"

Fuuma only lifted a brow at this, but soon his eyes closed and he released his brother. "I figured you'd explain if you wanted me to know."

Seishiro didn't seem to react as Fuuma moved that hand to brush his fingertips along the underside of the blind eye. "It was my price to travel dimensions."

"Ah." For a moment, the fingers lingered on the warm skin before he pulled away.

Lips parted at the loss of that touch and the comfort that came with it, but he only smiled and went on. "So, you were hired by Yuuko-san?"

"That's right. I go to worlds she sends me to in order to find things she needs." Shrugging he leaned back and chuckled. "Well, I wanted to wake you so I could make you eat."

"You mean so I can cook for you?"

Feigning a look of hurt, the younger put a hand to his heart. "Nii-san! I wouldn't dare take advantage of you like that. But if you're offering…"

At that moment, Seishiro laughed. It was a soft, but heartfelt sound as he bowed his head and closed his eyes. "Why doesn't that surprise me? All right… I'll see what I can make us." Rising to his feet, he heard Fuuma moving in his wake, and he felt his heart flutter at the familiarity. "You've gotten taller again."

"Oh? And here I thought maybe you were just shrinking."

Catching that smirk on the younger's face; he opted to ignore it as he dug through the cabinets viewing his options. "You've been living here a while."

"I tend to stay in one place for a span when I have to wait for Yuuko's next order." Lifting onto the counter, his eyes were pinned on his elder brother's lithe frame as he seemed to float about the kitchen. He'd never say it, but he liked watching his brother like this. Seishiro really seemed at ease whenever he was cooking.

This was a fact though. Seishiro only felt able to forget when his actions were mechanical. "Ah… then… tell me what they mean when they say 'Merry Christmas'."

Fuuma only chuckled and placed his palms on the counter edges on either side of himself. "Christmas is coming up. Tonight is Christmas Eve. Sort of a holiday where people give gifts. The story is actually much longer, but that is the gist of it."

"Gifts?" Seishiro's mind drifted back to the stuffed animal in the window, and he couldn't help but chuckle. "I see… I suppose that's why they all seem so cheerful."

"They seem to be good people for the most part." Fuuma mused over this and then snickered as he grinned at his brother. "And what do you want for Christmas."

Seishiro paused, his hand on a pot that he'd just sat on the stove. It was a simple teasing question, but for some reason, his mind was working it over. The answer his brother was waiting for was for his finding the Vampire twins, but the one he wanted to give couldn't be spoken. "Something I can't have."

Silence fell over the kitchen and neither spoke as Seishiro returned to his work cooking. For a long moment, he figured Fuuma was done, that he would leave as he often did back when they were home to read or something. Instead, he sat there watching him so quietly. When he finally spoke, Fuuma was smiling softly, but Seishiro caught a hint of pain. "You shouldn't give up, nii-san. You can do anything you put your mind to."

The older's hands went still, and he had to force himself not to lose his grip on the pot of boiling water and drop it. Bowing his head, his soft raven locks fell into his eyes. Really, did Fuuma need to keep saying things like that? "Not everything."

"Then, those are the times you should let someone else help you." Without looking, he knew his brother was grinning, but he couldn't look into his face. "So! I'll go look at those books for you. I'm sure two studying Vampire lore will go faster than just one." Without another word, he slid off the counter and headed out of the room.

Setting everything down, he closed his eyes. How could they both be thinking of things so different from one another? It was rather disconcerting, and it was enough to actually make something pang in his chest. He'd left so he wouldn't be tempted any longer, and now he was suddenly making a realization. The longer he'd been away, the more he wanted the younger to be closer to him. Leaning against the counter, he rubbed his face silently.

All this time, each world he'd been to, he felt so empty. In the end, he always felt alone. He could make acquaintances; he even took a pupil once. But even then, he always ended up alone. Then why, why in this singular moment, did he not feel that way?

-- --

After eating, the two had settled into the living area books scattered over the floor in a disorderly fashion. Each brother had a tome in their hands and was reading silently. It was so, comfortable, and Seishiro was finding that he couldn't seem to concentrate on anything in the text. On the other hand, Fuuma seemed to be highly enjoying his reading time as he suddenly broke into laughter. "They say that crosses are very useful against vampires. I wonder if that's true…"

"I'm afraid I'm not willing to try waving a cross at them when I find them."

"Such a spoil sport, nii-san. It would have been funny to see." Fuuma smirked as the elder shook his head chuckling. "You've not told me much about them. All I know is that they are pure blood and twins at that."

"Ah… I suppose I've not told you much."

Lifting from his spot, he crawled over to Seishiro and plucked the book out of his hands. Snapping it closed, he tossed it aside and sat beside him. "Tell me about them? Why did you decide they were what you were looking for?"

Seishiro turned his head and watched as the younger laid back on the ground folding his arms behind his head. Fuuma was to his right, so he had to turn his head completely to look at him. This flustered his thoughts slightly. It made things harder if he wanted to watch him without looking directly at him. For a long moment, he only stared at his brother's face whose eyes were closed. It reminded him of when he used to tell the other stories at night. Fuuma always closed his eyes and listened. The younger told him once that he had a beautiful voice.

Fuuma had grown significantly in their time apart. He was not just lanky; he was toned and perfectly proportioned. His hair was still a mess, but the strands were longer now than he remembered them. Not by much, but just enough to be different. Furrowing his brow, he felt his lips move but couldn't really stop himself from speaking. "Subaru… is my polar opposite. He's everything I'm not."

"So he's weak?"

"Don't be silly, otouto." Flattery was always a tactic of Fuuma's, but Seishiro was a bit on edge. Therefore, it wasn't volleyed back as he usually would. "He's kind… gentle. He believes there is good in everyone and genuinely cares. He saved what wasn't worth saving."

Fuuma shifted under his gaze, and Seishiro caught the way his brow furrowed. Were his words bothering him? "Seishiro…" It was so rare to hear him say his name, and hearing him say it made his eyes fall half closed as the three simple syllables echoed in his head. Dark eyes opened and peered into his, and it was like something broke behind them. "You're worth it. And you're a lot kinder than you let on. Why… why did you leave?" Sitting up on his elbows, they came dangerously closer. "Do you love him?"

His breath hitched in his chest as Fuuma moved closer. Those eyes were piercing him straight to his soul and he became painfully aware of its existence. Trying to breathe, he felt his heart flutter and almost twist as he scrambled for words. That placid countenance never once changed, but his single remaining eye flickered with each ricocheted emotion. "I had to…" Frowning slightly, he felt his eye brows lower in frustration. "I don't know if I love him."

"Why did you have to, nii-san?" Fuuma didn't back down as he shifted to catch Seishiro's chin before he could look away. "Why did you have to leave?"

All those questions were flying through his brother's eyes, and he read one far more clearly than the others. _Why did you leave me?_ Closing his eyes a moment, he took in a deep breath and forced his feelings to relent. He needed to end this, push the younger away and give a good reason. But as he opened his eyes to make an excuse, the sheer pain in that gaze overwhelmed him.

In all the years of his life, Seishiro felt and cared only for the emotions of one person. He sacrificed everything to protect him, and in the end, he was alone because of it. But right then, they were so close. So very close, and he could feel the warm breath on his face. Those fingers holding onto him were so strong, but slowly that strength was leaving them. They were letting go. And something about that horrified him. Without thinking, without knowing what else to do, he moved forward. Closing his eyes, he didn't want to see that look in the younger's eyes as their lips met. Turning his body, he didn't give Fuuma time to react as his hands caught the younger's face.

Pushing forward, he knocked his brother onto his back and caught his lower lip in his teeth nibbling softly before pressing the kiss deeper. At some point, Fuuma's lips parted, and he was certain it was from shock. But in that frenzy of action, he took it to his advantage and slid his tongue into the warmth of his brother's mouth. It was a sinfully divine pleasure. And if he was going to break in this way, he would make sure he remembered everything. The feel, the taste, and the emotional eruption for such a contact was committed to memory before he pulled away and stared with wide eyes into his brother's flushed face.

Fuuma was staring back at him in a way that shook him. There was surprise, but there was something else. Something he couldn't quite interpret, and fear told him that he didn't want to. Furrowing his brow, he whispered softly the only thing that could come to mind. "I'm sorry… I'm so sorry."

The younger moved to speak and before he could, Seishiro's lips were moving and his fingers shifted to the younger's temples. It was obvious to the younger what he was doing, and there was panic in his eyes. "Nii-san!" But that was all he got out before the spell was completed and the younger's eyes fell closed.

Shaking from head to foot, Seishiro felt his heart pound against his chest. Breathing in short, hard breaths, he slowly lowered down on top of his brother's form, tucking his head into the younger's neck. Fuuma was breathing steadily and deeply proving that he was asleep. When he woke up, he wouldn't remember anything about that conversation or where it had gone.

Guilt. It was an all consuming thing that always tended to claw its way into his heart. A heart that he tried with all his power to make unfeeling. For a long time he laid there, just feeling the warmth as it washed over him in waves. This was why he ran away. Because he couldn't fight that urge to be close, to take what he wanted.

Finally pushing up, he stared down at his brother with a blank gaze. For one singular moment, he was happy. For one moment, he was able to grasp what he wanted. Leaning closer, he kissed the younger gently before sitting up and moving away just enough to lean against the couch. No matter how far he ran, or how hard he tried, some things couldn't be forgotten.

The stirring beside him let him know that the other was waking, and Fuuma made a soft sound like a groan. "Nn… wow… did I fall asleep?"

Seishiro fixed a light smile on his face completely training the feeling out of his eyes. Chuckling in a way that was almost believable, he felt his heart go numb. "So it seems. Did you sleep well?"

Sitting up, he rubbed at his head and gave his brother a sheepish smile. "I suppose I did. I had a dream, but I can't remember what it was about."

"That is certainly the true nature of dreams, I would think."

"I guess so… ah… what were we talking about? Oh right! I wanted you to tell me about the twins. Still up for it? I won't fall asleep again, I promise!" Grinning from ear to ear, Seishiro mocked a look of indignation.

"Fine. But I won't tell you again. Shall we start with Kamui then?" Smiling all the more, the younger nodded with a laugh. As he began talking again, he turned to look at the wall, speaking softly. This time he didn't touch on any of his true feelings. He merely gave the logistics of the two rather than their importance.

And this was how it had to be… anything more was too dangerous. Seishiro couldn't risk hurting the younger like that. Not the same way his mother had destroyed him. Closing his eyes, he spoke on with practiced ease, never once looking at his brother. As he finished, he caught the movement as the younger leaned closer to him and chuckled. "Ok… I stayed awake. See? I promised." Winking as Seishiro looked at him; he tilted his head and kissed Seishiro's cheek. "I'm going to bed, nii-san."

Rising to his feet, Seishiro only blinked in slight surprise as the other walked to the door to his room. "All right… good night."

Looking over his shoulder, Fuuma sent him a wistful smile and nodded. "You too. Wake me if you need anything." Opening the door, he stopped just before closing it. "Nii-san… I think I got what I wanted for Christmas."

The elder blinked and turned to face the dark silhouette in the doorway. "What was it, otouto?"

"I didn't have to spend it alone."

Seishiro's lips parted, but he didn't react more than that. "Really, with your charm and people skills, I'm sure anyone would have loved to spend time with you."

Fuuma chuckled and sighed. "You're so dense, nii-san. Sleep well." With that, he closed the door leaving Seishiro alone in the silence.

Closing his eyes, the elder took a deep breath. He didn't want to know what his brother meant. It was easier not to think about that. But he couldn't stop the thoughts of what had happened earlier from filling his mind. They caused his hands to shake and his jaw to tighten. It was so much easier to be alone. But it was also so much more painful.

-Owari-


End file.
